Actions measure and define who we are

I was sitting around the kitchen table of a neighbor. My neighbor and her husband are retired, middle-class white folks. Also at the table were two other neighbors, also retired, middle-class white folks. I am a white woman, 50ish, and a teacher. The subject of flip-flop shoes (thongs) came up. My neighbor (male, in whose home we were talking) said he called them "g___ boots". he said, "That's what we called them in Vietnam". I looked at him with shock and said "I don't believe you just said that. What you said really hurt my heart. I don't ever want you to say anything like that around me again!" There was complete silence at the table. None of the other people said anything. The man just coughed and changed the subject, but I feel I was understood. Afterward, the two wives said they were glad I said something. I told them I would never let a statement like that go by without saying something. They said nothing more about the experience.

 - M., El Cerrito, CA, USA

When I was in middle school I rode the Tri-Met home everyday. This bus always had a large group of predominately African American students on it before I boarded. One day I was sitting in front of this group and they started throwing candy at the back of my head. The first time they hit me I turned around to see what had hit me, this only encouraged an onslaught of laughter. As I continued to be pelted by candy a sort of panic set in. I felt alone because of my color. My panic tricked me in to immediately thinking that all the black people on the bus were against me. At that moment an African American student sitting across from me came to my aid, yelling at the others to stop. My gratitude towards this girl was overwhelming. As she half scolded me, telling me I couldn’t let them push me around, my sixth grade eyes were opened to the fact that skin color doesn’t define enemies or allies unless you allow it.

 - Felicia Chapman, Beaverton, OR, USA

Glen and I used to have dinner about every 6 weeks with a group of 12 - 15 people. One time Ron told a joke that we both thought was offensive except neither of us said a word until we were in the car driving home. Both of us were embarrassed that we had let the joke just "go" and resolved to do something the next time. True to form, six weeks later, we were at dinner with the group and Ron started to tell a joke. I interrupted with: "If this is an offensive joke, I would not like to hear it." Ron said the joke anyway; Glen and I looked at each other and got up. Glen or I said, "We choose not listen to jokes that make fun of groups. We will be leaving." And then we did. We have not seen nor talked to Ron since. We both felt very good about our actions.

 - Jan Whittlesey, Beaverton, OR, USA

Once, when my friend and I were driving to the movies, he saw some young Hispanic men along the street. He rolled down his window and shouted stuff like "Go back to Mexico" and stuff about their ethnic background (nothing nice). I yelled at him to roll his window up and asked him why he did that. He said, "They're in our country." I told him he had no reason to say that, and he couldn't back his opinions up, he couldn't defend his actions. I proceeded to tell him about why people move to America, and how Hispanics are people, and the only difference is the language they speak, their culture, and the color of their skin. Those differences do not measure their worth; actions measure and define who we are. Then I asked him very politely not to speak racist remarks in front of me again, and he hasn't.

 - Kacee Adams, Beaverton, OR, USA

A little while back, Andrew ... (who is also in Senior Inquiry) and I were sitting at a typical, everyday lunch table with 2 or 3 other guys. One of the guys began telling jokes, not racist at first, but still probably not the type of jokes that would be considered "appropriate." We didn't mind [at first]. However, when he began to tell a racist joke, an interesting thing happened as a result of the previous Senior Inquiry class. During that class, Jack had talked about options for intervention. It was almost comical how we looked at each other without a word, and got up and left the table. We truly didn't want to be around that anyway, and we definitely let the jokester know. It was actually quite funny, maybe because we felt that we had made a difference. It was a great feeling.

 - Brian, Beaverton, OR, USA