We all have our bad days. Moments where the world seems like it’s hunting us down for sport. A bad test grade or an insignificant comment from a friend that sounds a little too passive aggressive might tip us in the wrong direction. So many little things, dog-piled on top of each other in varying shades of vexation, is enough to make us wonder if the world is the source of our misfortunes, or if it is really ourselves. Am I not smart? Did I not study hard enough? Did I say something wrong to my friend? Am I a bad person? This is the flexible nature of our self-image. The first step in the snowballing effect of negative self-talk is believing that when problems occur, it is all our fault.
Negative self-talk can manifest itself in so many different ways. Perhaps it is recurring, or on a sporadic basis. There are many causes of negative self-talk. Small but persistent negative experiences can slowly trigger this behavior. Poor health habits, depression, or other mood disorders can lead to negative self-talk as well. Negative social influences such as apathetic family or friends can also contribute to the problem. By talking about what negative self-talk is and where it comes from, we can address it from an outside perspective and put into motion ways to fix the problem and form a more positive mindset.
There are many strategies that can correct negative self-talk. Reframing a negative mindset to a positive one can be difficult but crucial. One way to do this is by telling yourself positive statements that reflect your better qualities. For example, if you are feeling alone, remind yourself: “Someone cares about me.” Or when you are feeling overwhelmed, think: “I am powerful, I am strong” or “If I work hard, I can achieve my goals.” If you regularly engage in this mindset reframing, it can help reinforce motivation and self-confidence.
Another strategy for dealing with negative self-talk is to remember that we are not alone in this fight. The power that comes from others' positive energy can bring light to even the darkest of corners. If others can see the best in you … so can you. Built from foundations of trust and understanding, community is a powerful force that contributes immensely to fighting back moments of negative self-talk by instilling self-assurance. Friends, family, and the people around you that support and care for your wellbeing know your true value and the ways in which you make a positive impact in the world that you might not always be able to see for yourself.
For me personally, there are moments where negative self-talk leads to low self-confidence or feeling that I don’t deserve my friends or that I’m not good enough. But when I surround myself with people that I love or coworkers that bring me out of my head, I am able to fully enjoy the moment and feel the bliss of being well cared for and supported. I distinctly remember going to my Hip Hop class and dancing with my club mates while the instructor taught us the choreography. We were split into groups to perform the whole dance for each other. While you could feel nervousness cloud the room, our instructor told us that we had to cheer each other on and hype each other up, establishing in us a sense of collective support. By the end of the class, everyone had smiles on their faces. We experienced a feeling of gratification that comes from existing in a judge-free environment where everyone is supported and understood based on their actions alone, not on their intrusive thoughts. These kinds of joyful community experiences can be one of the key ways to rise above negative self-talk.
When we are alone in our thoughts, it can feel like a prison. Moments of distortion can crowd our brains, leaving us vulnerable to self-inflicting attacks. Freedom comes from the act of finding the value that others see in us, and reaffirming that there is good we create for ourselves when we put our best foot forward. Engaging with a strong, supportive community that provides stability and encouragement instills affirming positive energy that brings back the light that is lost when we become entrenched in negative self-talk.
Sources:
Hui, Alden. “Causes of Negative Self Talk and How to Overcome It.” Health Spending Account for Small Business in Canada, 28 Sept. 2021, https://www.olympiabenefits.com/blog/causes-of-negative-self-talk-and-how-to-overcome-it.
Kaul, Mrinali. “The Role of Friendship in Boosting Self-Esteem - Joyscore Inc.” JoyScore, 2 Aug. 2022, https://www.blog.joyscore.co/the-role-of-friendship-in-boosting-self-esteem/.